"The set of all possible relationship stories, all styles of loving that lead to misery, is illimitable. ...When therapy modifies how someone lives a relationship, it corrects whom he may join in love....Knowing that a recurrent partner haunts you doesn't adjust a heart's direction....Those who could love him well are invisible. Even if the clouds parted and a perfectly compassionate lover descended from heaven on a sunbeam to land at his feet, his mind would still be tuned to another sort of relationship....A wise therapist, paraphrasing T.S. Eliot, would advise him to wait without hope , because his hope would be for the wrong thing, and to wait without love, because his love would be love of the wrong thing." chap 8
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