Maxine suicidal

In reply to Atypical depression, posted by Ines on March 1, 2007, at 17:03:02

Hello again everyone,



I thought
I'd start a thread on atypical depression. I only recently foud out
about this subtype of depression, and I seem to fit all the criteria,
i.e. mood reactivity, oversleeping, overeating, chronic fatigue and
rejection sensitivity, early onset.

I've also been
dx'd as atypical. But I don't over sleep or over eat. I am also
treatment resistant, but maybe it's because my depression is atypical?
Two meds have worked for me: Parnate and Prozac. Both stopped working.
Been on every AD, antispcyhotic and mood stabiliser.

Right now I am so suicidal and shattered that I think I might crumple up into a little ball and die.

Maxime

In reply to Re: Atypical depression » Maxime, posted by FredPotter on March 2, 2007, at 21:28:52

Maxime I'm so glad to hear from you but sorry you sound so bad.
I'm pretty bad too at the moment. I'm considering asking my Dr for
Nardil. Have you tried it? Weight gain can happen I think but that's
better than being suicidally depressed. Maxime do you go in cycles? I
tend to be good (like very good) for a week then relapse for 3 weeks.
Anxiety is a big part of my problem too.




Also have you tried Buprenorphine? I'm going to ask about it. I'd
rather be happy and dependent on a mild opiate than exhausted and
broken hearted. I love life but I've lost contact with it. I miss the
one I love (Life). I used to write music but the empty m/s paper lies
in a heap of dust waiting for the day when I recover fully.



In a week I won't be talking like this. It's just temporary, but so is the recovery.

Lots of love Maxime

Fred

My dear Fred :)

I
am not doing very well AT ALL. It was strange to see my psychiatrist
acknowledge (by his words and actions) that I am not in good shape.

I
tried Nardil and it made me lactate and it gave me cystic acne on my
back! As a man, I don't know if you can appreciate how painful it is to
lactate when there is nowhere for the milk to go. It's so painful that
it would wake me up at night. But I pray it works for you! You will be
able to finish your music one day.

My pdoc will not let me try Buprenorphine. He doesn't believe in it, and doesn't want me addicted.

I
have been severely depressed for well over 2 years now. It's my longest
depression ever. Will it ever end? I am severely suicidal and I don't
know what the future holds for me (will I end my own life? Will my
eating disorder kill me?). I have also developed anxiety in the past
year. It's awful.

Try the Nardil. I hope it works.

Love, maxime

Please please go to the ER. If you have failsafe guns or meds around, go tothe ER. I really can't promise you things will get better but....



My 29 year old niece, Jessica, died of a self-inflicted gunshot in December. Because she was atypical (probably), she went to a Christmas party 12 hours before her suicide and laughed and seemed fine. She had however already written her good-bye letter.



I understand her. I am probably the only one in the family who did/does. But I wonder how she would be feeling now two months later.



To save save herself, she would have needed time to de-stress. She needed to be selfish. She needed to leave the roles of mother and wife and daughter and untangle herself from all that...



Sometimes after years of suffering, others in our life forget we are hurting. Suicide is an answer, I agree. But be selfish in other ways first. It is humiliating and hopeless and people don't get it but put yourself in a hospital, in a monastery, on the mayor's doorstep. Camp outside the neurology department and go on a hunger strike.



Just please.... annoy others. I don't like the phase "a cry for help." It seems to trivalize the pain into an attention seeking behavior. I know that isn't your motive. You want to be normal. But try other ways to get others to take your emotional/spiritual life seriously.



Peace, River.

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